a love to kill

maybe in the first place,
things shouldn't be like this,
as it, from afar, shows disgrace.

you're deeply raised from the hate,
you laid the root in the hole you made in my heart,
and it grows day by day, never breaking apart.

and now, I've reach my breaking point,
the tears that flows uncontrollably as it's too much pain,
the pain that I barely can contain.

hate and love that's been settled in my soul,
has slowly making their own way,
out from fragile, lifeless growl.

and when the dark succumbed it all,
it's the right moment the tears shall fall.

and the love,
has been a love to kill.

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Picit 'LIKE'

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selamat hari mati

selamat tinggal cermin lama dahulu
aku sudah tidak mahu merenung kamu
kalau kamu bawa aku ke situ

selamat tinggal lorong dihafal kaki
aku sudah mual menjenguk lagi
bila di akhir hanya jalan mati

selamat tinggal aku yang lama
aku sudah bunuh muka yang sama
yang tinggal jasad tapi tak bernyawa

selamat datang cermin baharu
yang membiaskan lorong lama dahulu
dan masih berdiri aku yang itu

...


aku tulis tentang mati, bukan sebab aku ingin mati yang dari segi syaraknya perpisahan antara roh dengan jasad, bukan yang itu.
yang dari segi bahasanya, yang mahu tinggal semua yang buruk, yang mahu hapus apa yang kemuruk, yang mahu buang segala yang busuk.

yang itu.

tapi rupanya, kalau kita tak kenal diri sendiri
umpama cermin baharu itulah--
walaupun yang lama dah retak, dah berhabuk, dah kelabu,
ia masih memberi refleksi kita yang sama--
yang rosak, yang teruk, yang haru itu.

tapi bila datangnya cermin baharu yang digilap, yang bersih, yang jelas--
semakin cerah boleh kita lihat, yang perlu dikikis, yang perlu dikilas,
dan rupanya kita tak mati.

tujuan utama aku tulis post ni sebab aku rasa frasa "aku tahulah kau bagaimana, kita kenal bukan sehari dua" itu tidak kena.

umpama sama dengan kisah cermin tadi
kita sibuk ucapkan selamat tinggal pada yang lama
rupanya yang baharu tunjuk lebih jelas apa yang kita pandang sekadar lepas

bahasa mudahnya,
yang kata kenal orang lain
tapi diri sendiri masih tak terbelek lagi.

dan yang spesis begini,
banyak mengundang pandangan skeptikal dari manusia yang macam aku;
yang sedang merenung cermin baharu itu.

p/s: maaf, mungkin ramai yang keliru. tapi aku berhajat begitu. bagi yang nampak jelas, tahniah. sama-samalah kita perhatikan cermin baharu tersebut :)

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Picit 'LIKE'

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hari ini kita belajar analogi :)

bila Facebook dikatakan medium untuk menyebarkan segala perkara yang betul dan tidak betul di belakang seseorang itu, maka secara automatiknya, aku beralih kepada blog.

dan bukannya mahu berhenti -_-

ya aku tahu, menggali kubur sendiri jika berterusan begini. tapi kan, berani kerana benar, takut kerana salah.

dan aku tabik kepada yang terus-terusan hidup dalam lohong yang dibina daripada imaginasi yang berputik daripada minda yang terisi dengan unsur-2 pesimis yang tiada penawar.

kerana mereka yang begini, masochist yang paling agung.

today's not a sunny day. it was raining slightly early in the morning and that left an uneasy atmosphere around us. and may we cut the chase because I'm feeling like writing another novel right here -_-

so as crappy as it sound, I personally have love and hate relationship with today's agenda. you know, like the feeling while you're watching horror movie. you felt giddy and excited to watch but scared as hell when the ghost suddenly popped on the screen.

and blah blah blah. I'll continue with this nonsense if I'm not going to be stopped -_-

love and hate. yeah, I love a part of today's event when I'm FINALLY come clean with one of my 'acquaintance'. we decided on truce and live happily ever after like Cinderella and Snow White and Sleeping Beauty does.

because life IS a fairytale, no?

and the hate part when the stepmother of the Cinderella came again and again keep haunting her in her sleep, when the Sleeping Beauty got an insomnia and Snow White tanned her skin; as it all goes WRONG!

and I need more than that :(

aku tak kata aku benci hari ini. in fact, hari ini mengajar aku seribu makna mengenai hidup, mengenai tuntutan hidup, about the survival of the fittest, about how dark this world is without the only shining light that came from our hearts.

because the truths hurts, as it's real, as it's the bittersweet reality.

smile is the smallest strength that could be transferred to someone else, but it leave the biggest impact :)

senyum adalah satu-satunya perkara yang boleh aku tuturkan dengan senyap. bukan sahaja memberi kekuatan, malah mampu mengurangkan perasaan yang negatif yang membuih dari dalam. ia efektif, maka cubalah.

aku bukanlah mahu menimbulkan spekulasi atau apa-apa kontroversi. blog merupakan diari online yang boleh dibaca atau di-print_screen-kan oleh sesiapa. tapi niat asal, cuma mahu berkongsi rasa, atau pengalaman, atau apa-2 yang boleh dikutip buat pengajaran :)

aku bukan guru yang mampu mengajar, aku bukan ustazah si pembetul akhlak, aku bukan ibu si pengasuh anak.

aku cuma mahu berkongsi :)

dah oh ya, aku hipokrit  >_<

p/s: post kali ni kena betul-2 read between the line. aku tak berani nak tulis bulat-2, nanti jadi tabloid -_-

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fever

yep, that's so freaking right
I'm having a fever, and it has been going on and on for a whole week already
and I couldn't live better than this
*sarcastic enough? thank you anyway -_-

so, might as well updating this blog as it has been like... forever since I last posted here
*well, not like anyone's gonna read it

exam's wave is currently being ferocious, as I must say
it has been a tough two weeks, and I've missed 2 subjects that equals to four papers
*wow! isn't it great? :D

the subjects that I missed was English and Modern Math. I had a terrible fever the night before and it didn't help much when I woke up in the morning, feeling all sore and groggy and shit! did I felt like being kissed by a bulldozer.

and it was a nice one

so, well, how I'm gonna say this?
*take a deep breath...

okay, hold it!

I'm not doing it on purpose, IF some of the people has been incriminating me, saying that I'm faking this shit bla bla bla as I always appear... healthy in front of their naked eyes.

and the smug on their face, really made me wanna give a blow

okay, I'm done bitching here. so wish me get well soon <3

out of all cute, sexy pictures that appears as the image result, I find this is the CUTEST ever.
I think I really had a thing with mice -_-

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Picit 'LIKE'

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